A Busy Month

It really has been such a busy month for our family. We have had sleepless nights, tired days, Drs appointments, errands to run, hospital stays, it literally has been endless. I have been so bad at finding a moment to fit in my writing. 
I debated with myself about sharing this publicly, but I felt that its something that may help another mother at some point so here it is. My son Josiah was born with  bilateral Clubfoot. Which means his feet developed incorrectly in the womb. For unknown reasons to scientist, Drs and myself Josiah's feet developed inward which overtime, if left untreated, can prevent from his walking properly. 
We found out at our 20 week ultrasound, which was around Christmas time. Of course it put a damper on my pregnancy, at that particular time. I had never heard of Clubfoot or met anyone who even had it. The Dr who informed me at the ultrasound said my baby had a deformity in his legs and feet and asked me if I wanted to terminate the pregnancy! I immediately said NO and was really actually appalled by his question.
 The drive home that day was very quiet and somber. After having gone through a miscarriage months before I could only cry and ask, "Why me!?" I had no idea of the future Josiah would have or the treatment he would have to go through to fix the problem. I felt like, as his mom, this was somehow my fault. Maybe something I did, or didn't do during the beginning of the pregnancy had caused this. I felt defeated and for a brief moment wanted to crawl in bed and never wake up again. I cried so much that night. I was angry. I was angry with God. I was angry with myself. I was angry with any mom who was pregnant carrying a "normal" child. I had not understood or even cared to understand, at that moment, what the purpose of this whole experience was.
I threw myself a pitty party for about a week. I cried. I slept. I stopped eating, then overate. I felt sick. Then I finally started actually doing research. I learned that it was not something I did. I learned this happens more often than I had heard of. I learned that it was treatable and most importantly I learned that it could be worse! My baby was fine. His other tests were fine, he would just be in casts and special shoes for a little while, but he would have a normal childhood. I would make sure of it. 
I asked God to forgive me for questioning his reason and asked him to just take control of the situation. I know Josiah has a purpose in life and there is a reason he was born this way. I have confidence that my son will get better and he will have no developmental problems. He is a really tough baby and I am so proud to call him my son. I love him more than I thought I ever could and he is really an inspiration to me.
 Clubfoot is not a deformity, it is a temporary problem that is fixable. He will be in casts for 4 weeks and then his pediatric orthopedic will decide if he needs a small surgery to release the tendons in his feet. He then will be in casts for another 4 weeks. (The purpose of the castings is the straighten the feet to their proper positions.) After castings are complete he will wear special shoes every day and night for 6 months and then only at night until he is 2 years old. The shoes and casts will not stop him from reaching any developmental milestones. In fact my little guy is only six weeks and already turning over! 
I can honestly say it was a tough pill to swallow at first, but after getting properly informed it was a lot easier to handle. By no means is this easy. He has weekly appointments to get his casts changed and seeing him cry and be uncomfortable is tough for us to bare, but I remind myself every week it could be worse. Josiah doesn't have cancer or a deadly virus or sickness, so I have a lot to be thankful for. My son smiles and looks into my eyes. My son gets happy to see his brothers and daddy. My son was born perfect in my eyes. I thank God for his life every day and whatever purpose he has for Josiah's life I know will be great.


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