Speaking from the Heart

I recently experienced the first loss of someone I felt a strong attachment to. In fact it was 2 weeks ago today that the man who helped raise me and I saw as my second father, passed away. I have not taken to it very well and in fact I can't think about him without crying still. I had a chance to see him at the hospital to let him know how much I loved him, but still there is so much more I wish I could have said.

Why is it that when someone dies we have all these regrets? 

I have so many memories with him and his family. Our families grew up together, we went on road trips, camping trips, we attended birthdays, family functions and church functions. He spoiled me like his own daughter. My memories of him live so vividly in my heart and mind.

The hard part is, that I wish I had made more memories with him and my children. While they knew who he was, they don't have any memories of time spent with him. They will never know how funny he was. How he can change your mood to the better within minutes, or how much I loved him. Oh how I wish I had made more time for him. Taken more photos of him. And just made more of an effort. 

I saw him in church every Sunday and we always hugged and said I love you. We exchanged a few brief sentences and went on our way. Life with my boys and my family is always rushed. Naps need to be taken, they need to be fed, I need to get them to stop crying. If you have or have had kids you may know the drill. But, could I have stopped in my hustle and bustle to invite him and his wife over for dinner or coffee? Yes! But I didn't make the time.

His death has really opened my eyes to the real meaning of time. We have time for everything! For social media, for eating, for our workouts, for our favorite shows, for shopping, for everything except for loved ones. We fit loved ones in when we can. We are too busy raising our families that we forget about those who raised us. Our parents, our grandparents, our aunts, uncles, our family friends, our siblings even. 

I for one, am committed to making more time. I know I am a good mom and make time for my boys, but I have actively started making more time for my parents, family and loved ones besides those who live in my house. I make it a point to call my mother every day to ask how she's feeling and tell her I love her. I call my dad to check how his dialysis went that day. This past Saturday I had my family over for dinner and a movie. Not because I want to blog about it, but because it is so important to me to have memories and pictures of fun times with family. It means the world to see my kids laughing with the ones I love.

I had said I didn't make new year's resolutions, but this year I really want to stop and make time for loved ones and I hope you join me on this sentiment. It's an awful feeling when someone you love so much passes away and you feel guilty for not making the time. Make the time. Make the phone calls to them to say "I love you". Say the thank yous to those who helped mold you into the person you are today. Just remember tomorrow is never promised and time waits for no one.